31 - Finally forward
Last day of the year
anticipating more joy
Some days you feel like you’re living in a snow-globe, and there is nothing not near.
1 - The bitter cold
Puzzle pieces fit
goals managed and forgotten
The lost farewell. There is always one thing in your life that will make you cry uncontrollably. One of the biggest hurts. No one can understand this hurt, or why if affects you so deeply. I've always heard that actors call on this hurt to cry in scenes. Using pain to fake it seems particularly hollow. Do you lose part of yourself when you do this repeatedly? The abyssal world is calling, the siren song of terra incognita - approaching 900,000 mostly avoidable deaths. How can we disentangle ourselves? Asking too many questions, answering with too many needs/wants/desires with no outcome. Stasis is getting as boring as status. Sometimes we don’t do so well. Other times we find resources within ourselves we did not know we possessed. We rise to the challenge. We overcome the monster. We rise to meet the extraordinary. We come to become the overcome. Never mind that ordinary is good enough for government work.
2 - Open the gate at first sign of snowfall
from golden hour to blue hour
hundred shades of yum
The joy is in golden to turquoise smiles attuned to nature. The joy is accepting the unexpected. I'm feeling i'm falling behind but finding joy in playtime. With a squeak of snow underfoot, the changing light illuminates things you missed the first time. Tracking play by mark-making. History is written in tracks that slowly melt away, until they are rewritten. The blisters on both heels tell a different story. The snow is radiant in the glitter hour when the sun hangs low in the sky. I'm reaching in to reach out to the slowly shifting angles. The last two mornings the hunger rumbles for food and adventures. Sometimes it can be sated, others not so much. I'll eat my breakfast and check the bunny cam to see if they've started a new method to their madness. The things you notice without constant distraction are always surprising, better to be filled with wonder than worry.
3 - Epidemic of Hyperobjects
A public health fail
can we get past this nightmare
Overlook the bridge that has failed to deliver a corridor between safety and sanity, a dyadism, a paroxysm. There is never enough time, especially when time is perpetually cut short by something else. A plague of something else sets us apart. Time to get down to the nitty-gritty in the most efficient way possible. Reworking, re-wilding, reinvigorating, return rewritten. There is always something that can be jiggered to work - janky or not. Hopeful pessimism is in high gear driving down a cliffside road with no guardrail. The bridge to nowhere dies up to its name about 2 times a year, last year there were three. No one has figured out a way to provide the friction necessary to stop the impulse. No one cares. There is an epidemic of not-caring and that is a problem.
4 - Offline Brain
Getting the walk in
getting the odds and ends done
Reactivated the active to stick to routines that are far from routine. A week later I will notice subtle changes that will cement the sticking. Routines are like post-it notes eventually they will give up the ghost. Attention to adhesive is required. Attention is focused. Attention is scattered. Attention is an endangered species. Making it now, not reading it later. How fast we slip back into distractive habits... Makes ya think. The back up beeper sets my nerves on fire, and instantly takes me back to 1990. The best of times, the not so best of times. How far can you go without incessantly marketing yourself? When I fall off the rails, there is a cascading series that follows, predictable and unnecessary. Show up when you are scheduled, do your work, deliver, and then inform. All these cliche bashing activities are in the end quite simple.
5 - Sailors take waning
sweeping through the whole country
what will the toll be?
The collective shrug is maddening. It's been maddening for one reason or another for two years now. The swirl of always not quite there is maddening. The world is entangled in the most complicated and largest spider web ever created. The morass is maddening. Is it all caused by anthropocentric gravity-bound thinking or something else? We barely have any concept on how we might have to reform and adapt in order to keep this planet in good health. We barely perceive the problem, have no sense of a solution, and are increasingly incapable of coming to consensus. You have to have patience to become precise. You have to choose your words carefully. The realm of us doesn't exist solely inside.
6 - The universe inside the meatball
all high altitude living
Catch your breath, right here, 1, 2, 3. Let it be. Right where it is. 1, 2, 3. Watching the breath rise and fall rapidly and deeply. You can catch it on the cold window, in the air, or under your mask. The rise and fall, the rise and fall, the rise and fall. 1, 2, 3. There is no frustration in trying to make it work - it just does.